i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
