dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
