maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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