Where is the hickey?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
