i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
