It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
