Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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