I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize