maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
