I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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