he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
