I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
