swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
