The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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