She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize