I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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