K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am puke
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
