when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
