You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize