at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
