well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
