Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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