Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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