Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
