remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
