he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
