I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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