I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
