It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
