you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
