who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
