people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
whose parrot is this?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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