Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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