I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
