:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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