Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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