all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
