Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
