You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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