This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
