I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize