Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Duck Duck Cougar?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
