Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
