Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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