I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
