i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
