it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
