just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Vodka?
Forever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
