but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
