we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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