I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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