...so i touched it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The uberlube is also flammable
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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