Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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