and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
