Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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