Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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