So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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