Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your penis caused this!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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