i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
