He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
