I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
