Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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