Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
