"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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