Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
