i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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