Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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