Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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