I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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