so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
