this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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