she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
