hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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