I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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