Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
