I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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