The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
