Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
