it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize