Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
