covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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