David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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