the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
