my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
