Who did Billy Mays play for?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
