my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
