the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
