I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
