ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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