Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
