The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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