This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
