Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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