there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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