My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
